What To Say…
Right now, I think 24/7 that I am just some stupid annoying kid. I’ve driven people off, and I’ve lost bestfriends that mattered a lot to me. I complain about myself a lot, not to fish for compliments, but to let other people know that I realize that, I think. They tell me, “That’s not true.” But I try to believe them, but people around me make hard to, because it’s not like what you said was going to make anything better if you don’t prove it. I’m tired of being who I am, because a lot of the time, it feels like I don’t have the friend I need or used to have, but at the same time I don’t want to talk to anyone because I don’t want to burden them with anything and have them think any less of me. I feel like I can’t talk to my current bestfriend, because a lot of the time it seems like she doesn’t even want to speak. I don’t want to cry in front of people because it feels like they would just look away in annoyance without any second thought. I don’t like to laugh or smile in front of people because it feels like the sight of me being happy would give people a reason to look down upon me. I don’t even like to speak of my problems because I feel like I do it too much. I don’t like talking about them because I think it makes me sound really needy. I wish somebody could just be able to magically change the way I feel about myself because I obviously lack self-confidence which is causing these problems in the first place. I’m not asking for anyone to compliment me, nor tell me that I’m wrong through their half-hearted ‘honesty’. I’m asking for people that I wouldn’t be afraid to be myself around. A friend that won’t convince me of something that they can’t prove. I regret even saying this, not because of who sees it, but because of what the people seeing this might think. I’m sorry.
